Just make them some CookieS

It's like someone handed me a million dollars...when the little

girl down the road who used to flinch when anyone would try and hug her...came up behind me and hugged me and patted my arm...There are days I don't feel like I am good enough...days I think I don't make a difference...days I let myself believe that I should have taken a different path...but one hug from a 

little girl who followed my son home one day...a girl that has been through more in her little life than any kid should ever endure... and you realize the greatest things really cant be bought with money and that no matter how many times I come home to extra kids...I will just make them cookies...and I will remember... that you cannot erase the memory of love from a child's heart...and that my contribution...though it may seem small to others or may even go unnoticed...that it is good... and it has value...because one smile to a child that is never smiled at...one hug to a child that never gets a hug... does matter...it matters a whole lot. 

Cat Ladies

My ten year old Ty and my almost same age godson RG were talking in the car...
This is what I overheard...

 Ty-" I know a cat lady that is married...that is very rare ya know...for a cat lady to be married."

RG- " Yeah...well I know a goat lady that is married and she eats cheese all day...so much cheese that she makes herself constipated...that is really rare too!"

Ty- " Awe man that is crazy."

One of the many random conversations going on in my car yesterday as we set off on an adventure to 
Bass Pro where these boys bought supplies needed for their zombie war...

You're welcome ;)

When your Heart HurTs...

  And sometimes out of nowhere it knocks the wind out of you. You have to find somewhere to be alone. You have to sit down because the feeling in your heart is real. It is an ache, a cold sharp reality that comes back to remind you of your loss. A loss you rarely talk about unless you can use it to help someone through their dark day. You close your eyes to see vividly their tiny faces, their little tiny barely one pound selves, so perfect, so wanted, but their fate out of your hands. That is when you start to cry, you cry hard, you cover your face making sure nobody in the house hears you. The three kids and the husband that loves you more than his own life. You don't want them to see you like this because you were just having a normal day and you don't want them to think they did anything to make you cry, because most of the time you can put that pain in an envelope that you tuck away in your heart. You have tried to never let that day define who you are, only let it remind you of how quickly your whole world can be shaken and rearranged without your permission. You let it remind you that only God is in control and that sometimes pregnancy doesn't result in bringing home happiness but sometimes it means bringing home nothing...except empty arms. The pain, it is as real as a migraine headache, it is a literal ache in your heart, deep in your soul....They would have turned 18 last October. But on their birthday, because of Gods perfect healing medicine, I got to watch my beautiful daughter turn 16. That is what it feels like to be held by God. That is what it feels like to know that you are loved individually by your creator. So you sit there and cry it out, you let the tears out and you reflect and you just feel it. Because to try and escape it is like pretending like you don't feel it... and that is not the truth. The truth is... that the ache is a reminder to your soul... that you are not whole this side of heaven. You eventually learn to be thankful for the tragedy that gave you new eyes to see the world. Eyes that don't see things as more important than people.... Eyes that see every... single... minute... with your children as a gift. Eyes that see opportunity instead of inconvenience. When you get off track and start to worry about insignificant things and your eyes see dirty dishes and piles of laundry and boys that bring in dirt as big deals...well...then you sometimes get that wind knocked out of you and have to find somewhere to be alone...so your soul can remember...so you can get your vision corrected...so you can live in the moment with the lives that have been put in your path...This has been my truth.

Puppies and Unexpected Commitment

Just when I thought it was going to be a drama free weekend my oldest sons dog had puppies and decided she didn't love them. So off to the store we went to get baby bottles and puppy milk. I cant imagine a mother dog not loving her puppies but the vet said all are not meant to be mothers. I think this must also be true in the human world. The way the mother dog was looking at her babies...I have seen some women look at their own children like that. Like they are an inconvenience and not loved. It makes my heart sad while we bottle feed these puppies but a good life lesson for my three kids. Because when you have to bottle feed newborn puppies you learn about everything from sleep deprivation to adoption.

Canoes and Cupcakes

Today at BusBees BacKyArd AdVentUres...Ty went down the canal in his canoe...Ty brought home 2 random kids I've never met that aren't related to each other ages 10 and 7...Neither have shirts or shoes...They are all in my kitchen eating cupcakes asking to move in...Wondering when their parents are going to realize their kids jumped in a boat with a Busbee kid.